I snapped. Just fucking snapped.
It’s like everything I say vanishes when you walk into the Doctor’s.
She looked a little defeated. She said she knew. That she didn’t know why she started panicking when they sat her down in the chair. Why suddenly she would go from calm to a woman in complete desperation.
For a few minutes, it really did seem like she was getting it. Seemed like maybe we would come to some sort of a turning point. Maybe she’d finally decided to change her mind.
Until the next morning.
The panic set back in. And I just gave up.
. . .
I’ve been thinking about my own history of anxiety a lot lately.
I don’t have panic attacks any longer despite having those moments of getting stuck in my head and allowing the thoughts to spiral for longer than they should. I’m not perfect and nor will I pretend to be.
But the thing about anxiety is that I didn’t get better my having more panic attacks. I didn’t get better by stressing or ruminating more on my unfulfilling life. I didn’t scream and shout and bash in windows and get really aggressive.
Getting through my anxiety took constant reminders. It took rescuing myself from those dark places. It took noticing when I was about to get out of control and slowly moving myself back to peace.
Instead of living in the future, I lived in the present.
Instead of sitting around doing nothing, I found shit to do.
Instead of giving up, I went to the gym.
And god knows I sat my ass down in therapy and got to work.
What I’m trying to say is not just about anxiety. It’s about changing your mind. It’s about learning how to self-automate and take yourself back from the brink. And it isn’t always fun. It isn’t easy and it certainly isn’t as fast as the drive-thru at McDonald’s.
But it’s taught me that I’m in the driver’s seat. I know now that I succeed for fail my mind every day. And if I am going to be resilient, I have to keep practicing. I have to keep getting stronger.
I’m the only person that can do that for myself.
And that’s why I can’t do it for you.
This post was previously published on Fit Yourself Club and is republished here with permission from the author.
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