The Houston Astros and Washington Nationals are meeting in the World Series. Which is all well and good for fans of the Houston Astros and Washington Nationals.
But what about the rest of us? What happened?!
Why Your Team Didn’t Make The World Series
The New York Yankees: Someone thought it would be a good idea to pitch to Jose Altuve with 2 outs and Jake Marisnick on deck (JAKE MARISNICK!), and Chapman grooved the slider.
Tampa Bay Rays: Being a scrappy underdog is all well and good until you’re outclassed by a team that was better than you in every single aspect of the game of baseball. (The Houston Astros).
Boston Red Sox: Because Dave Dombrowski’s deal with the devil expired. And they had no pitching.
Toronto Blue Jays: The Kids have arrived and they’re going to be special. But not just yet.
Baltimore Orioles: No pitching of any kind. Manny Machado left. Chris Davis is getting paid tens of millions and can’t hit a lick. Outfielders laying out and getting hit in the head with the baseball is not a recipe for winning. This is a dumpster fire.
Minnesota Twins: The Yankees always beat the Twins. Always.
Cleveland Indians: This is a confusing franchise. Injuries to the pitching staff. Regression by Ramirez and Lindor. Weird trades. But hey, Major League is a great baseball movie.
Chicago White Sox: Years away for this slow-motion rebuild.
KC Royals: Remember when they won the World Series in 2015?! Then they blew it way the hell up.
Detroit Tigers: Just, no.
Oakland A’s: Moneyball is fun, but it helps to have Hudson, Mulder, and Zito. Impressive squad, but they need the starting pitching to develop a bit more.
Seattle Mariners: Man, they really miss Ichiro, and Edgar, and Ken Griffey, Jr. And when King Felix was good.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: No depth behind Trout and Sho Time. Also no pitching.
Texas Rangers: I can’t name a starting pitcher. Can you?
New York Mets: They’re the Mets! The bullpen was an absolute mess. Brodie’s Edwin Diaz/Cano trade was a disaster. They came on late, but were undone by a weird dysfunctional non-competitive period.
Philadelphia Phillies: They seemingly have a bunch of pieces, but underachieved liked crazy.
Atlanta Braves: That first inning against the Cardinals. 10 runs. Brutal.
St. Louis Cardinals: They got the most of their pieces to make the playoffs, but lacked the pitching and offensive firepower to go further.
Chicago Cubs: A pretty complete team that inexplicably faltered. A new curse at work?
Milwaukee Brewers: MVP Christian Yelich went down late and Josh Hader blew up in a crucial playoff game.
Cincinnati Reds: Sonny Gray and Yasiel Puig do not a playoff team make.
Pittsburgh Pirates: Not a good organization. Not a lot of talent.
LA Dodgers: Did Dave Roberts really pitch Joe Kelly a second inning of relief in a crucial playoff game. Bad idea jeans.
San Francisco Giants: Old and bad.
Arizona Diamondbacks: Not enough pitching or hitting firepower.
Colorado Rockies: Pitching took a big step back. Hitting took a big step back too. Not a recipe for success.
San Diego Padres: It’ll come. The future is bright with Tatis, Jr., Chris Paddack, and Machado.
Photo Credit: AP/FILE