Row

“I’ve been clean for ten years, sometimes barely. I could throw it away if I wanted and in my favorite dreams I do.”

the boat fills with water as we cross
00:04
the wide lake you bail out with a
00:07
cracked bucket will I roam we both laugh
00:10
guided by the campfire burning on the
00:12
distant Shore made of driftwood another
00:16
boat we found smashed among the rocks
00:18
wood lapping against stone the kind of
00:22
laughter in its own way I think in this
00:25
moment of my name of that song the
00:27
church lady sang to me about rowing my
00:29
boat to shore before I had been do
00:32
enough funerals to swore off church for
00:34
good though sometimes somehow I find
00:36
myself praying through my laughter is
00:39
the water gathers around my ankles I try
00:42
it sometimes prayer that is in secret
00:44
but I keep noticing I’m doing it look
00:46
I’ve caught myself sometimes I look out
00:49
the window to find myself staring back
00:51
in sometimes I try to escape my own wife
00:53
without letting myself know I am leaving
00:55
I know I fail again and again I’m not
00:58
even a half-decent non-believer every
01:00
adventure is a creative new way to die I
01:03
keep on living despite I can’t seem to
01:05
get it right once my skin crackled
01:07
electric at a god got wedged in my skull
01:10
I tried to leap out a window and join
01:12
him I woke handcuffed to a gurney my jaw
01:15
wired shut by what I saw and could not
01:17
say I stuttered for the next week of
01:20
course I smoked up the next day of
01:22
course I took the pills and then woke
01:24
and kept waking i huffed the vapor and
01:27
collapsed rose again and again and kept
01:29
on rising in my own stupid and simple
01:31
way fuck it in my favorite dream I rode
01:34
that boat forever the fire finds its way
01:36
inside me I’ve been clean for ten years
01:39
sometimes barely I could throw it away
01:42
if I wanted and in my favorite dreams I
01:44
do I want
01:46
I give up the water it’s I give up in
01:48
the water is so goddamn cold it keeps me
01:51
alive forever which is another way of
01:53
dying again and again and never quite
01:55
being dead and that’s the horror of life
01:58
the water so green it shatters my
02:00
sternum and there is a single glowing
02:03
stone I want it in my palm to make it
02:05
skip and crackle like a rat scratching
02:08
away in the vein I laugh and I wake up
02:11
laughing and I want
02:13
I simply want and what dear God is on
02:16
the other side of want I want that too
02:18
my want is so wide I cannot cross it
02:24
[Applause]

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