Numerous Failed Dreams


My life has been full of failure. So full that it’s overflowing the oversize ancient carved barrel, full of the finest whiskey, and is seeping into the carpeting.

I sat for more than three minutes, trying to come up with something positive in my life right now, and I couldn’t. I sound like a hugely negative person, but I’m not, Really.

I want life to be” “happily ever after” and Deadpool riding unicorns.

But it’s far from that way. No unicorns. No Deadpool. Instead, we get depression, because the latest great idea just took a dump from the bow of your neighbor’s boat. It was a straight plop with no skidmarks, so they were cool with it.

How many great ideas for failed projects is this in a row? Fifteen? Eighteen? I lost count in the mid-single digits. All I know is that it’s too many.

And with each failure, my self-esteem takes another step closer to the edge of the cliff. At this rate, I’d definitely be at the bottom by morning.

What’s my problem? One is that I’m autistic and doing things the normal way doesn’t always work for me. I sometimes have to find a little different way to communicate, and traditional “signs” like a wink or a nod can get lost on us very easily.

I try to put the individual failed dream out of my head ASAP, but I can still see and hear bits and pieces of the experiences and how I screwed up.

You see, in my reality, it’s Groundhog Day. The same situation keeps popping up, but at the end of the day, I screw it up each time. No one else. Just me.

It’s stupid. It’s laughable, and it’s scary.

Writing, the one thing I know that I’m good at, I’m deathly afraid to do. This piece had one line for nine days and now look at it. It’s almost a fully grown blog post.

I wish I had an answer to my fear problem, but I may never figure that out. All I know is that sometime soon I can hope we have answers for this type of piled on depression.

What’s Next? Talk with others. Take action.

We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join below!

RSVP for Intersectionality Calls

 Join the Conscious Intersectionality FACEBOOK GROUP here. Includes our new call series on Human Rights.

Join The Good Men Project Community

All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE.

Register New Account

Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request a new password if needed).

◊♦◊

ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops, and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time. This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.

♦◊♦

We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.

Photo courtesy iStock Photo.