Match Maker

“My mother wants me to date a good Laotian man. Her reason being if he ever messes up she can curse him out and he would understand her perfectly.”

00:01
my mother wants me to date a good
00:05
Laotian man her reason being if he ever
00:10
messes up she can curse him out and he
00:12
would understand her perfectly I tell
00:17
her the one I’ve got now understands me
00:20
perfectly when I cuss him out for
00:23
messing up as a black man not refined
00:26
enough for her how about Chinese she
00:30
says I just know how good the food at
00:34
your wedding banquet will be you could
00:37
have a house in the suburbs and he would
00:39
buy you a luxury car based SUV your ring
00:43
would be more than 2 carats you could
00:45
spend your honeymoon visiting his
00:47
country your friends won’t laugh at you
00:50
my sisters and my family will respect me
00:53
don’t you want that I told her I didn’t
00:58
care about diamonds car-based
01:00
suvs or intricate dinner banquets oh the
01:05
mom she says they eat rice just like us
01:09
you won’t have to cook two different
01:11
types of rice you could have met a good
01:13
one by now you’re always at their soccer
01:15
tournaments I told her I go for the food
01:21
not to find a husband
01:24
what about Cambodian she says same color
01:28
as you your children will have the
01:30
longest eyelashes they eat Baha just
01:33
like us and they go to the temple even
01:35
our new years are on the same months I
01:38
told my mother I wasn’t even religious
01:42
the Vietnamese she says not too bad
01:46
practically Chinese he could take you to
01:50
Las Vegas and propose to you for your
01:53
birthday give you shopping sprees you
01:55
will never have to worry about driving
01:57
that minivan we got you he could pick
01:59
you up in his BMW you would look
02:02
adorable together your children will be
02:04
chubby with fair complexions your
02:06
friends will look up to you my brothers
02:08
will be more careful when they decide
02:10
they want to teach me how to raise a
02:12
good daughter can’t you see
02:14
how much I love you I tell her I like
02:26
the minivan just fine because there
02:29
would be room for all my things if I
02:32
decide to ever leave home
02:36
[Applause]

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