I’m writing this piece, because I’m one of these people that has been ghosted.
Multiple times to be very honest.
And each time it happened, I felt awful about it.
. . .
The ghosting phenomenon
Ghosting, by the way, doesn’t have to relate to a dating context, it can also be a friend, or relative, or colleague that ghosts you!
The Google search came up with the following definition of the word:
“The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”
For me, it often did happen in a dating scenario.
The below is an outtake from a conversation with someone who I had been talking to for about two months. We had met for the third time, before we went on Christmas break.
We were mid-conversation and after my messages — there was no response. Silence.
I am someone, who gives people the benefit of the doubt. I know, that life can be stressful, that things can get in the way and I know, that texting someone might not always be the number one priority.
I waited for a couple of days, but then I got suspicious. I decided to send a follow up text and ask “Hey, is everything alright?”.
My messages were never answered.
I have spent a lot of sleepless nights, thinking about this phenomenon since. The feeling of being ignored transformed into a sort of ‘texting anxiety’, which I developed as a result of this.
If you relate to that feeling, I have some tips, that are easy to remember and will hopefully support you on your own post-ghosting recovery.
. . .
1. Know your worth
Every single time I’ve been ghosted, I felt awful about it! And what’s worse, I started taking the blame for it entirely. I thought it must have been my fault and that the reason, why the other person decided not to reply to me was, that I simply wasn’t worth replying to.
But, that’s not true.
Remember: You are worthy of love and attention!
Write it on a piece of paper, repeat it to yourself as often as possible! Don’t let your self-worth be dependent on someone else’s messages.
I know there can be an internal battle going on of voices saying, “But I’m not enough” or “I should’ve done things differently”.
Hear them out. Feel the pain. Let the voices say whatever they want to say.
And then speak up for yourself.
Talk back at your internal voices and tell them, that you very well know, how much you are worth.
. . .
2. Leave the “but why” with the other person
It’s difficult to let go of this, but the reason why someone isn’t replying to you anymore is only known to one person. To the one that ghosted you.
It leaves us with a lot of possible scenarios of what might have happened and often we go with the worst scenario we can possibly imagine.
You just don’t understand: after having given them so much time and energy, you feel a lack of respect, that comes with an unanswered message. I totally get that!
But remember, that every person comes with their own baggage.
The reasons why someone decided to ghost you can be very complex and might not even make sense to you if you knew.
If anything, you might want to see it as a sign, that this relationship wasn’t going to work in the long run. Leave the rest with them to figure out.
. . .
3. Practice self-love
Being ghosted can make you lose your trust. To me it isn’t surprising that some people build the highest and thickest walls around them, because they want to protect themselves from being hurt again.
My advice is to practice a lot of self-love when you feel that pain.
Remember to treat yourself to something special and to be as kind to yourself as possible.
The more you do that, the less you find yourself to be dependent on external validation and you’ll see, that you can find yourself trusting other people more easily again.
. . .
I feel for all of you, who have been suffering or are currently suffering from being ghosted. It’s an awful experience.
It sucks and I know that. We’re in this together and we can comfort and support each other if needed!
All I can say is: It will get easier!
And in the meantime — try your best to keep your heart full of life and love!
This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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