Does Dating Turn You Into a Chronic Over Thinker?

Here’s the situation, and this applies equally to men and women today:

You’ve met somebody you’re really jazzed about. You’ve exchanged phone numbers. You notice the area code is different than yours, so you ask them with some hesitation, “Where do you live?” They immediately tell you, “Oh, I’m just in town for the weekend.” BUT–they visit often, and still they’d still like to get together the next time they’re in town.

So, now you call each other up on the phone, you have some good entertaining conversations, and….they’re coming to town in two weeks. You’re meshing, your’e building up a little friendship over the phone, you’re really enjoying it and now your mind kicks in AGAIN, and AGAIN you become another version of “future man”or- “future woman.”

Remember that blog about future man and future woman? Well, here we go again! You start obsessing and thinking: What do they want? What are they looking for? Do they want something deeper? Could this turn into the dreaded long distance relationship? Are they just looking for a fling? Do I need to clean my house up because they’re going to come over and we’re going to have crazy and wild sex all weekend? We are going out Friday night and he or she will be around the whole weekend…you start thinking again.

Just enjoy it. You have no idea what may happen. This person you’re talking to might travel into town every week or every month. Maybe it’s because in the back of their minds that’s where they want to eventually settle down, and meeting somebody to be with would make it much easier and safer for them to move. Maybe they are just looking for a fling, maybe they just enjoy being able to getting out of their town and into a new town, and just want to have fun. Maybe they don’t even know themselves!

The only way you’re actually going to find out for sure is if you go out with them, and while you’re out you talk to them, you’re interested in them, and you find out more about them. Obsessing about it and planning ahead of time NEVER WORKS!

This person could turn out to be a future relationship, or a future fling, or it could be a future nothing. But you just don’t know, and you won’t know, until you two connect when you’re out on that date. Unless you make a real connection by keeping your head in the present moment, you will never have a handle on the future of whatever it is that you’ve got going on or whatever it could become.

So, stop worrying and thinking about what the other person wants. Talking it out with someone else can be good to help you sort out what you want, but if you’re so curious about what they want, you have to ask them. Don’t be afraid, when you’ve got some private time say, “Hey, you live out of town, and I like what we’ve got going on here. What are you looking for, are looking for a relationship, are you just looking to have fun…where are you at right now in your life? I’m interested, let’s talk about this.”

What happened to honesty? Why are we so afraid of it?

Why do we love to sell portraits of ourselves over and over and over again?

The point of this whole message, the reason for it, is that it’s really not healthy to consistently torture ourselves with our own thoughts. If you’re interested and you’re genuinely curious about somebody, ask them, “What are you looking for?” They will tell you, you will find out a lot about this person, and it will lead to a whole kind of different conversation—an honest conversation, a real conversation. It will give you an opportunity to get to know them on a much deeper and authentic level.

That’s what I want to give you, that’s what this blog is all about, and I hope that you really embrace today’s message.

Previously published on davidwygant.com and is republished here under permission.

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