Meet Megan and Jennifer. Megan dates with her head and Jennifer dates with her heart. Watch how each fares in meeting men.
Jennifer’s story never got developed. Her parents divorced early in her life and it negatively affected how she views men. She saw her Mom fall apart after the divorce so she decided she would find a good man who would make her happy, unlike how her dad made her mom feel. This was her goal. She didn’t have boundaries. She didn’t have a great story. She set herself up to be dependent on a man to determine whether or not she was happy, much like her mom.
Unfortunately, this thought process leads to failed relationships. When you aren’t looking within yourself for your happiness, you are missing the mark. Looking within for happiness means you pursue things you’re passionate about. You educate yourself, both for a career and in terms of the world around you. It means you find yourself some hobbies and you surround yourself with a group of girlfriends who are also single and looking – I like to call these your wing-women.
Men want to date interesting women who intrigue them. They want to date women who have a great story. Jennifer needs to develop her own story. She needs to determine what she values in life, what her goals are, what interests her and she needs to pursue those things. Happiness lies in pursuing goals and activities which align with your goals, not through the man you’re dating. Jennifer needs to learn this lesson.
Instead, she seeks a man.
Her destiny is sealed. Men will define her happiness. They will define her likes and dislikes. Think for a moment about the movie, Runaway Bride. Richard Gere’s character asks each man Julia Roberts’ character was engaged to one question, “What kind of eggs does she like?” The answer was different for each man. Why? Because the character was dependent on men to define her happiness.
Because Jennifer hasn’t taken the time to define herself, set boundaries and goals, she will make decisions with her heart. How happy she is from day to day will be determined by how she is treated by the man she dates. When he is disrespectful or even abusive, she will blame herself and she will be miserable. When he’s treating her well, she will be happy.
A woman who sets out to date in this way – with her heart and not her head, is vulnerable to players or users. She sees his chiseled good looks and hears his smooth lines and she’s all in. She’s immediately in love with him and maybe even sleeps with him on a first or second date because this is how she thinks she keeps a guy coming back. She eliminates the possibility of learning about this man because she jumps to the end – sex – before she knows his intentions (use her and then lose her or marry her).
This scenario will play out over and over, destroying her confidence and self-esteem.
Megan’s out look on men is vastly different from Jennifer’s. Megan’s parents are still together. They instilled in her a drive to follow her dreams, to have goals, to pursue her passions and to have hobbies. Megan dates, but she looks at the first few dates differently. She looks at these as if they’re ‘meetings’, not dates. She tests her guy by not letting him run the show.
She is more confident than Jennifer, so she realizes she is a chooser of men, not a woman grateful to be chosen. Megan uses her head to evaluate men and quickly weeds out the users, who are intimidated by her confidence and don’t hang around long anyway. Megan doesn’t allow her heart to get in the game until she is sure this guy is for real.
Obviously, I’ve just given you one scenario but there are many ways in which you can land in the dating world. The big difference is often your level of confidence when it comes to dating. You can be a highly confident professional woman and still have low dating confidence.
You can come back into the dating scene after the breakup of a long-term relationship or marriage, unsure of who you really are as a newly single woman. Regardless of how you get there, the end result is the same. With solid, high dating confidence, you will date with your head. With low confidence, you’ll date with your heart.
Good things come to those who put their goals and passions ahead of relationships and good men take notice! Men want a woman who has an interesting life. An interesting life filled with experiences results in a woman who is interesting! She has opinions and she naturally becomes challenging and mysterious.
Guys can’t get enough of her! Now things fall in place for Megan. She has choice and comparison. She doesn’t need a handbook on picking up men – she picks who she wants!
The next time you find yourself falling for some great-looking guy with smooth lines, STOP. Back up. Create your story. This way, you will have the uncanny ability to call your own shots. You will think with your head and leave your heart out of the decision making process – at least until you know you’ve got a keeper!
So I ask you, are you a Megan or a Jennifer?
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Previously published on whoholdsthecardsnow.com and is republished here under permission.
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