Crash Course Outtakes


In which John Green teaches you that things don’t always go as planned on the Crash Course set. Here we have outtakes from our Crash Course in Literature and some of the early US History episodes. Warning: there is some censored profanity in this video. It’s pretty mild, you can probably handle it.


Transcript Provided by YouTube:

00:00
Hi, I’m John Green, this is Crash Course – Oh no!
00:03
[laughter]
00:07
Hi I’m John Green. This is Crash Course US History and t.. aaaargh!
00:13
[gibberish]
00:16
Revolutions where things do change, and those where they… eh.
00:23
[singing circus theme]
00:25
[gibberish]
00:29
My uh jaw keeps clicking. Can you hear that?
00:31
Dickenson’s… I’m saying d*** so much in this video.
00:33
Gatsby just wants to reach across the green bay and get to that green light, and he believes that… no?
00:40
Huh? I said “green bay”?
00:41
[laughs]
00:43
No one ever wanted to get to Green Bay.
00:46
Better to see that than my chest hair.
00:48
Because I could not stop for Death, she kindly stopped for me.
00:51
He. [laughs]
00:52
I just made Death into a lady.
00:54
No, at the end of the night, you lean in to kiss her like
00:58
[laughs]
01:00
I just caught a glimpse of myself.
01:01
As John Winthromp himself… Winthromp.
01:03
The English Toleration Act of 1960… 1960.
01:07
Oh, it’s time for the Open Letter?
01:09
Nope nope nope, panic panic, sorry I forgot, I forgot, I forgot
01:12
I’m supposed to go when I say that.
01:13
Oh wait, don’t I have to say something before…
01:16
Hold on. Nobody’s ready.
01:18
Oh no, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t.
01:19
Makes me think of wealth, and to a lesser extent, decay.
01:23
Ow!
01:24
Augh!
01:26
[groans]
01:29
An open letter to, uh, I don’t remember what it was supposed to be
01:32
’cause my ankle hurts so much.
01:35
Augh!
01:38
Let’s see what today’s Mystery Document is.
01:41
I should do “the rules here are simple”.
01:43
F*** Canadians, thinking that sugar beets are sugar.
01:46
Rock Master Scott and the Dynamic Three’s hit…
01:50
It’s so hard to say “Rock Master Scott and the Dynamic Three’s”
01:53
Is that right? Sauk?
01:56
Massa-swah? Massa-soit?
01:58
The land the English found was of course already inhabidah
02:01
[Stan:Let’s cut.]
02:02
But the upshot…
02:04
Which sparked what in the colonies? Uprisings.
02:06
Fort Dukesnay…Dukesnay? Duqueesnee? Ducazznuh?
02:10
The judiciary con…
02:12
The judges… can I just say the judges?
02:14
Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me.
02:18
That was terrible.
02:20
So they actually… oops. Sorry.
02:22
Uh, what’s the joke?
02:24
[laughter]
02:25
[Stan: I thought you had one.] No.
02:26
Too much to kiss him? [Stan: Well no… It’s loving.]
02:29
Also in the green lands of Not America.
02:33
[laughter]
02:38
Oh… Are we taking the… are we taking this bit too far? I don’t think so.
02:43
The state had occurred. Had INCURRED. Had amassed. Whatever.
02:47
Alvar… damn it.
02:48
‘Cause he lives in a social order that’s happy to drink illegal alcohol, but condemns… augh.
02:53
Sometimes called “Poem 456” and sometimes known by its first line
02:56
“I Heard a Fly Buzz When I Died”.
02:58
[Stan: 465.]
02:59
[beep]
03:00
F***.
03:01
And it also implies… aw, f***.
03:04
[snap] F***nugget.
03:05
Thwart pirates who kept attacking Span… Span. Spain-laiden golden galleon…
03:10
What the f*** am I saying?
03:11
More complicated understanding… more complex. F***.
03:14
And as there was limited water and firefighting resources
03:16
this sometimes resulted in letting the motherf***er burn.
03:20
[laughs]
03:27
That didn’t go well.
03:29
[Puffing noise]
03:33
That was the death buzz of a fly.
03:35
Okay, here we go.
03:39
It’s a big document, sorry. Okay, one more try.
03:42
Plus I gotta retie the document every time I f*** up. That’s annoying.
03:46
I don’t have a joke.
03:47
You gotta hit the record button.
03:48
[Stan: I did.] It’s not red.
03:50
[Stan: Yes it is. You just can’t see it.]
03:51
Oh! You’re right!
03:52
*kiss* You’re so pretty. He’s thin lipped, but in a good way.
03:57
That was too much.
03:58
And this meant… I gotta fix my glasses.
04:00
This. Is. AMERICA.
04:03
…Wasn’t in the shot.
04:04
Crash course is produced in – Oh! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Alright.
04:09
Our Script Supervisor is Danica Johnson. Nope.
04:13
The Associate Producer is… ech.
04:15
That wasn’t very good. I’m gonna do it again.
04:19
If you have questions about today’s video, you can ask them in comments
04:22
where they’ll be answered by our team of historians.
04:27
The show was written by my high school history teacher Raoul…
04:29
God, I was close.
04:32
Thanks for… whoa, I’m offscreen.
04:34
You didn’t like that? [laughter]
04:37
I have some flirtatious notes to exchange with Jessica Alvarez.
04:42
I know she’s not gonna hook up with me.
04:45
Gah Mr. Green, you always ruin everything.


This post was previously published on YouTube.

Photo credit: Screenshot from video