As the Old Saying….Goes

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.

~Oscar Wilde

Are you like me?  Do you have a wise old saying or two bouncing around your brain? A catchy line of wisdom, or of warning, embedded in your grey matter since childhood, which continues to spring up in your adult brain, guiding you or influencing you, whether you like it or not.

I’ll give you an example.  When I was in first grade, our teacher used a simple rhyming line to make sure we didn’t make a line at the water fountain.  We were taught to say, or think, in our heads, as we drank, the following:  “One, two, three, that’s enough for me.”  To this day, I never take a swig from a public fountain without those words ringing in my ears. And many a time I feel shame if my thirst is powerful enough and I disregard the mantra and go past the encouraged three count.

Another saying that crops up for me all the time is: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  Perhaps it’s because with the proliferation of political correctness, discussion and debate about the power of words to hurt or negatively affect emotions is ever-present.  And that’s a good thing.  But it makes the old edict of sticks and stones obsolete and even offensive in today’s woke culture.

So I’m here to offer up some alternatives to such sayings, along with a few proverbs, whose shelf-life, in my opinion, are nearing or past their expiration date.   Here’s ten as a start.   Let me know what you think.  Better yet, maybe you have some of your own to add to the list.  Who knows, maybe one day someone will be reciting your words of wisdom at the drinking fountain.

Old: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and he’ll eat forever.  

New:  Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to shop at Sam’s Club or Costco and he’ll eat (at a discount) forever. 

Old:  The big drum only sounds well from afar. 

New: The big drum only sounds well from afar when you remove your Beats. 

Old:  A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

New:  A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down and contributes to diabetes.

Old: An unexamined life is not worth living.

New:  An unexamined life is not worth living unless you’re an Instagram model.

Old:  A friend to all is a friend to no one.

New: A friend to all is a high-priced influencer.

Old:  Always look at the bright side.

New: Always look at the bright side, but wear sunscreen.

Old:  The darkest hours are just before dawn.

New: The darkest hours are when the Wi-fi goes down.

Old: Everything in moderation.

New: Everything with Gluten in moderation.

Old:  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

New:  Absence and Skype make the heart grow fonder. 

Old:  Every cloud has a silver lining.   

New: Every cloud has a silver lining and some acid rain.

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