In the initial phase of marriage, the couple creates beautiful times together. They pamper each other and do every possible thing to make the other happy. But as time flies, differences might arise, and behavior may change, sometimes so drastically that you may wonder if your spouse even loves you.
The situations in life keep changing, as does a husband’s behavior. But it may not necessarily mean they hate you. However, if you have this one, nagging thought that, “my husband hates me,” read this MomJunction post. Here, we tell you about some signs that suggest your husband may hate you and what you can do about it.
When Is Your Husband Likely To Hate You?
Hate is a strong, negative word and may not always be apt for describing your husband’s behavior towards you. But if you think that he really dislikes you or hates you, then there might be specific reasons for it. We have listed down a few possible reasons below.
Please understand that these are only possibilities and not necessarily the reasons why your husband’s behavior towards you has changed. The only way to know the reasons your husband (probably) hates you is to talk to him about it.
1. You might have hurt him
Try to recall the incidents from the recent past. Did you do or say something that could’ve hurt or offended your partner? Did you disrespect them or insult them in any way? If you think you may have done something wrong, and that could be the reason for the sudden change in his behavior, address it sooner than later.
Another possibility is that you might have kept some secrets from him, and he got to know about them from someone else. It may seem irrelevant to you, but your husband might think it to be big.
2. You might have cheated on him
When you have been unfaithful to your partner, being sorry about it may not change what has happened. He might have forgiven you, but not forgotten what you did. And whenever he recalls the incident, he might become bitter and show a strong dislike to being with you.
3. He might be cheating on you
He might be having an extra-marital affair and likes to spend time with them. The fact that he is obliged to be with you and not with that person might make him hate you.
4. There is conflict in the relationship
Have you and your husband been fighting a lot lately? The fights could be about sex, having babies, finances, or anything else – they could create a rift between you two. If they have been too frequent, your husband may have developed resentment.
The reasons need not always be significant. Sometimes, constant, petty issues could become problematic in the long run. For instance, if you talk down to your husband (intentionally or unintentionally), or you don’t let your husband do anything, or are too nagging without realizing how annoying it is, you could make your husband feel frustrated and even hate you.
Sometimes, your husband’s changed behavior or lack of interest towards you could be due to his problems as well. For instance, he might be stressed due to his work or his relationship with his family, friends, or colleagues.
Possible Signs Your Husband Hates You
Here are some signs that might give you an idea about your husband’s behavior. These could suggest that he may dislike you, but not necessarily hate you.
1. He is constantly fighting with you
You and your husband might not be talking as much as you used to. And when you do, you end up fighting. He might be blaming you for everything. Even if you try talking gently and cooperate, he seems to be furious. Such behavior could be a red flag in a marriage, signaling that he might have issues with you.
2. He doesn’t spend time with you
Your husband might be trying to avoid you, or likes spending time somewhere else than at home. Or he may not show any interest when you try to spend some quality time with him.
3. He doesn’t show affection
Hugging, kissing, holding hands, and other forms of physical intimacy happen naturally between a husband and wife. If your husband is trying to move away from you or not showing any such signs of love or affection, then it could signify that his feelings for you have changed.
4. He doesn’t remember important dates
It’s okay to forget birthdays or anniversaries. But if your husband was someone who always remembered important dates and made all arrangements to pamper you, and now he doesn’t seem to care, then it could be bothersome.
5. He puts no effort in the marriage
You both did everything together and were always on the same page about the relationship. But now, your husband doesn’t seem to pay attention or make any effort to keep the relationship alive. He is mostly silent or avoids doing things. These signs might suggest that your husband is not happy being with you.
6. He is emotionally abusive or violent
He might be showing signs of anger or might be disrespecting you, or he is abusive or violent. Such behavior in the marriage is unhealthy and may signify that your husband has some issues with you and is not comfortable being with you. You should seek help if your husband is abusive.
7. He doesn’t respect your relationship
Besides love and trust, mutual respect between the partners is essential in a marriage. If your husband doesn’t seem to be caring about you or if he is too rude to you or criticizes you in front of others, then it could mean your marriage is in trouble.
These signs may signify that your husband hates you. But don’t be so sure about it without talking to him. The behavior could also mean that your husband is angry or upset with you, and resolving the issues causing the anger could save the marriage.
What To Do When Your Husband Hates You?
There is always hope. Your husband could be angry or disappointed with you. But there is a chance he will become fond of you and love you. Nonetheless, a change for the good cannot be guaranteed. But if you love him and have faith in the relationship, here are a few things to try and save your marriage.
- Make communication better
He might want to tell you many things but may not know how to communicate well. So, instead of taking it negatively, keep your ego aside and talk to him. Share your feelings and ask him if he has any issues with you. Be cooperative, understand what they are going through, and make mutual adjustments to save your relationship.
- Start afresh
Rather than digging into the past, try to turn a new leaf and start afresh. Don’t argue about the incidents that have happened. Leave everything aside and focus on new things such as going on dates, exchanging gifts, and doing something together to rebuild your bond. Try not to bring up the past during an argument or a conversation.
- Be supportive and not harsh
Either of you could be at fault, but instead of nagging about what happened to make the partner feel guilty, try to support each other. Say ‘it’s okay; instead of ‘I’m hurt.’ Try to respect each other and show affection, and it could help both of you to reconnect and forget the past without feeling guilty.
- Don’t be insecure
You may be ready to move on, but certain things from the past could make you insecure, making you want to be with your husband and monitor his actions. You may have positive intentions, but your actions could have a negative impact, and your husband might not like it. So, try to contain your urge to control his movements and give him space.
- Get professional help
When you are unable to sort out the issues on your own, you may seek help from a professional. Therapists can help you figure out what’s lacking in your relationship. Also, talking to a third person who is objective about the relationship can help you get a different perspective of what your husband may be feeling and where your relationship stands.
Going through a difficult phase in your marriage, all by yourself, can be difficult. But trusting your husband and having faith in your relationship can help make the process a bit easier. Do what it takes to rebuild your relationship and reconnect with your husband.
If nothing seems to work and your husband doesn’t cooperate at all, then at least you know that you have tried and been your best to save the marriage. The next thing is to think about yourself and do what is good for your well-being and future.
Do you have any relatable stories to share? Feel free to write to us in the comment section below.