Romance can be tough. Most of us, however, would like some romance in our lives and it seems like women in particular really crave romantic acts and gestures from their men. And while there are some men that seem to have been born with the Casanova gene and are completely comfortable with that, they tend to be in the minority.
If you don’t know how to whisper sweet nothings, and the idea of creating a moonlit picnic with her favorite wine and desserts would never occur to you, you’re not alone. Most men will tell you that really being “romantic” feels uncomfortable and seems silly. So what do you do if you are one of the many men who feel dumb trying to be romantic, but still want to have romance in your life and please your significant other?
Why You Need To Try To Be Romantic – Even If It’s Uncomfortable
Some of you are probably wondering why you even need to bother with romance. If it feels uncomfortable and you don’t really want to, why not just be plain spoken and keep things easy? I mean no one really needs all that stuff, right? Wrong.
Romance is more important than most (especially men) realize when it comes to keeping a relationship happy and healthy. Whether it’s a budding romance or a long-term relationship, there is effort involved in making things strong. Romantic behavior and gestures are part of where effort is needed.
Romance is how we show our feelings for each other. It’s part of demonstrating that we care and it helps to keep things exciting. It’s also reserved for the romantic partner in our lives and therefore solidifies the fact that they are special and important to us.
At the beginning of a relationship there is more motivation on the part of each partner to make romantic effort. As a relationship goes on we can become less inclined toward romance. Simply put, it doesn’t feel necessary after a certain point. Unfortunately for many couples who feel this way, this is the most crucial time in a relationship to ensure those efforts are still being made. Without them it’s easy for a relationship to become boring and for partners to lose interest in each other.
So no matter how silly or dumb you may feel, making some kind of an effort toward romance is vitally important to the health of your relationship.
Tips For The Romantically Challenged
To begin with it’s important to understand that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to romance. Flowers and candy work for some and not for others. So before you start trying to determine what you need to do to up your romance game, you need to first thoughtfully consider your partner, yourself, and the nature of your relationship.
Being romantic doesn’t have to mean grand gestures, sappy songs, or sexy lingerie. It’s far more personal than that, and really about knowing your partner and making them feel special. How you do that varies greatly from couple to couple.
If you are at a loss as to where to start and what to do, consider the following as you ponder:
1- Romance is about the KISS (keeping it simple stupid). While skywriting is impressive, a hand written note can be kept and re-read. And that note doesn’t even have to be long or involved. A simple, “You’re important to me” is sweet, romantic, and impactful. The point is it can be the little, simple things that demonstrate effort and show you care that can make the most difference.
2- It’s about staying close and getting closer. You love your partner and would be sad if they were gone, right? Just keep that in mind as you consider your romantic plan. What would keep you close and help you get closer? Is it scheduling lunch together during a busy week, or going for a hike on a weekend? Or is it just a simple text saying, “I miss you”? These things may not sound like what you were considering as romance, but make no mistake – these efforts are part of being romantic.
3- If they feel special you’ve done it right. You aren’t winning an award or getting points on a score board. You are simply trying to make the person you love feel special. Whatever you do, if you’ve completed that then you win…I mean you’ve been successful.
4- Make love the focus. As you weigh the pros and cons of whatever you’re considering, remember that expressing the love you feel is the point of your effort. What does that look like to you? Is that doing something to make your partner’s life easier, or is it drawing them a silly cartoon? I knew a guy once who would doodle comic strips of himself and his girlfriend in his spare time and leave them in her car for her to find. Score one for creativity and romance.
5- Feeling a little silly and vulnerable is part of it too. Being romantic requires you to put yourself out there to some degree. You may worry that he or she will laugh, not be interested, or outright reject your effort. If your intentions are good and your partner cares about you, those things aren’t terribly likely. And the potential payoff for your effort is worth it.
Whatever the state of your relationship, it’s a pretty sure bet that a little romance will be appreciated and likely needed. And if you’re uncomfortable and feel silly making that effort consider the points above and know that you’re not alone. But without making the effort you may eventually be.