The most vital component to kickstart a relationship would have to be emotional chemistry. Often described as a romantic spark, emotional chemistry is essentially the ambiguous and intangible phenomena shared by two people who feel a mutual special connection:
- The magical “click”.
- The unspoken and energetic bond.
- The exquisite body rush.
- The chemical process simulating love or sexual attraction.
We can’t force emotional chemistry. It is a natural and undeniable connection. We either have it with someone or we don’t.
According to relationship expert Susan Winter, “the early signs of emotional compatibility is that instantaneous “click” that we feel when we meet someone new. We immediately sense a connection that indicates we share a mutual understanding.”
It’s that deep sense of belonging. Your inner-voice that sings with the recognition of one of your own.
Chemistry can manifest in different ways, or not at all. We can land in the “No chemistry” zone, where we find it difficult to create rapport with someone. Or, we may find ourselves in the “bad chemistry” district where the harmony is nil to zero.
Meh. It’s a part of life. I am certain that I possess an uncanny ability to rub a handful of people the wrong way. You’ve got to bury that stuff and move on for your own sanity. Definitely not the makings of a magical “click”.
Let’s talk about the good stuff.
“Some of the core components of chemistry are: non-judgment, similarity, mystery, attraction, mutual trust, and effortless communication. Chemistry can be described as a combination of love, lust, infatuation, and a desire to be involved intimately with someone.”
Ah … this sounds like the remarkable and beautiful bond of a profound soul connection.
Perhaps I’m overthinking it … sounds pretty good, though.
When we meet someone, it may be hard to differentiate between sexual and emotional chemistry as both of these brain-inducing chemicals may evoke similar psychological, physical and emotional symptoms.
Since most of us are aware of the value of time, we tend to want to avoid activities and people that may waste this precious resource where possible. This is particularly true when our 20’s and 30’s are in the rear-view mirror.
Naturally, we want to know right away if the chemistry we’re feeling is just sexual or if there’s something more to it — something meaningful.
Here are 5 tell-tale signs that you’ve hit the emotional chemistry jackpot:
Have you ever met someone and instantly felt drawn to them without any apparent reason?
I’m going to assume that you have at some point.
It may not even be a conscious thought. It’s more in the vibes — the unseen energy between you that compels you toward each other and creates a deep sense of inner-knowing.
Familiarity. Belonging. Intimacy. Home.
It feels like all of those things and more. As if a tiny ember ignites in the pit of your being that cannot either be fully articulated or explained.
Nor can it ever be unknown to you.
This person will possess your thoughts as much as you can feel yourself dominating theirs. The pull is extreme and undeniable.
2. Easy Conversation
Personally, I struggle with small talk. I can find it awkward, run out of stuff to say pretty fast and often say the wrong things that may be taken out of context. Deep and interesting conversations, however, fuel my soul.
When I meet someone and the conversation flows naturally, it feels miraculous to me. It’s also a sign of emotional chemistry.
This is when speaking to someone on this level becomes delightful. The conversation is easy, maybe even refreshingly challenging. Statements are understood — Even when opinions vary, there exists mutual respect and acceptance for the other.
Effortless communication = incredibly strong intellectual chemistry.
In short, you just get each other and speak the same language.
3. Silence is bliss.
This is a biggie for someone like me. I cherish silence and believe there is nothing more satisfying than to just “be” with your lover without feeling the need to fill in the moments with mindless banter.
“Stay with me. Let’s just breathe.”
Lyrics from Breathe by Pearl Jam
You know when you share a special connection with someone when you can easily be silent together and just breathe. In fact, every relationship expert will tell you that the biggest sign that you’ve found someone significant is the fact that you are comfortable spending time in silence with them.
No forced conversation. No need to speak. No awkward silences.
And yet, your lover’s presence remains powerful by your side, bringing a sense of mutual peace and joy within. Your love can be felt in the energy between you.
This is true love and emotional connection at its finest.
4. The truth is in the eyes
Sneaky glances. Locked gazes. The exquisite zing that catches every nerve ending and deliciously winds its way through your body when he/she looks at you.
The eyes cannot lie. They are the mirror of your soul.
You can barely keep them off each other. You don’t want to.
Even when you are together with other people, your attention and gaze will naturally seek out the other. Your other chemical half is your primary focus.
Our thoughts, emotions and feelings can be confirmed by the look in our eyes. Learn to trust what you see reflecting back at you in your significant other; the eyes will not fail to betray the authenticity of the connection — which gives the experience a beautiful and special kind of flavor.
5. Sweet annoyance please
I LOVE this one.
Someone once asked: “Why so serious?”
He may have been joking, but this is no … erm … joke.
The intention isn’t to offend or to make the other feel bad. But damn, picking on each other for no reason at all is reason to play. Like an interesting word game. You want to provoke each other — you want to discover uncharted territory and know where the other stands in particular situations or topics.
Think of it as intellectual-sex.
It’s fun, subtly flirtatious and creates intimacy in a bickering kind of way; and it’s a secret language only you two know.
Knowing someone who you share the deep bonds of emotional chemistry is a magnificent gift in this world. For all the disconnection and separateness evoked by our fast and modern lifestyles, finding a kindred soul is like finding yourself in a world made for two.
Whispering souls together in harmony.
Time is relative when in the company of such a person. And yet, time has never been more precious.
Previously published on Medium.com.
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