Health Is ‘Real’ Wealth

I’m recovering from a lengthy and painful throat infection this new year. So I thought it would be apt to start 2018 with this topic. All of 2017 I took pride in never taking a single pill except a painkiller for a dental issue. I finally took some Ayurvedic pills for this infection after realising that this infection might be serious.

YOU MISS HEALTH ONLY WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE IT:

I obsessively talk a lot about money but all the money in the world means nothing if you don’t have the health enjoy it. Like I mentioned in the Early Retirement article, my wife & I do Health SIP in some simple ways : yoga, nutritious food, morning walks, swims etc. I used to cycle & play badminton a few years back and I would love to get back to both activities.

DIABETES – A LIFESTYLE DISEASE:

Personally my need for Health SIP comes from the fact that both my parents are diabetics and I can see how their quality of daily life is reduced in old age, so I’m obsessed with avoiding diabetes as much as I can through healthy living. My mother tells me they used to call diabetes “the silent killer” because people would know someone had diabetes only after they died. On the surface the person who died would look healthy but diabetes was corroding organs inside.

WORK & LIFE STRESS CAN MAKE YOU SICK…PERMANENTLY:

Diabetes is an epidemic in India even among poor people. I was shocked to learn that apart from poor diet and zero exercise, a major contributing factor is “stress” especially for men. In the case of women, stress is known to cause hormonal changes leading to weight gain among other ill-effects.

If you want to avoid major health expenses in your old age then you need to start paying attention to your:

  • DIET
  • EXERCISE
  • STRESS

The conventional approach to retirement is to earn the maximum and save the maximum because you never know how much you need… coz you might get diabetes and diabetes treatment is expensive etc etc. But we forget that eating out every day because we are at work, skipping exercise because we work long hours and not dealing with work stress means that it will all catch up as you get closer to old age and will be very expensive to treat not to mention your quality of life will be so poor you can’t even climb stairs easily or travel to visit your children etc. So the solution is to lead a balanced life.

We are trying a different approach inspired by moneymustache’s badass approach. We already see the oldies in our family and what kind of problems they face.

For example:

  • Elderly ladies always have knee problems from standing in the kitchen for long hours every day cooking for the family 3 meals a day
  • Elderly men have diabetes from having a “desk job” and not exercising enough
  • Liver problems from alcohol abuse
  • Antibiotic resistance : needing higher dosage of western medicine as a result of popping pills indiscriminately …Fever? take a Crocin, Headache? take Saridon etc . Would it have killed to let the fever go away on its own in 5 days? The body would have developed better immunity that way.

OUR HOLISTIC WELLNESS PLAN:

So our plan is to avoid atleast what we can see the oldies suffering from . And then prepare for some of the issues our generation is likely to get like

  • Poor eyesight from starting at phone & computer screens for too long
  • Diabetes from junk food, no exercise and work stress
  • Alcohol abuse as social drinking becomes more mainstream
  • Heart problems from working in stressful work environments or not dealing with personal life stress via meditation, exercise, better communication etc.
    Here are some simple changes we’ve made to our diet, exercise and stress-management.

DIET:

  • Home-cooked food & eating out less but in high quality places.
  • Moderate Alcohol for social occasions.
    *  Disclosure: we have a cook who comes home and makes us home-cooked food. The benefits far outweigh the costs.

EXERCISE:

  • Swimming
  • Walks
  • Yoga

STRESS MANAGEMENT:

  • Meditation
  • Improving communication with spouse.
  • Not habitually checking on work after work-hours.

Starting now, I urge you to make small & simple changes to your diet, exercise and stress-levels. Trust me you’ll save a ton of money staying healthy.

Around me I see super-active and healthy 80-year olds and very-unhealthy and tired 60-year olds. How old you “feel” is a matter of how healthy you are. Please start taking care of your health atleast now before it is too late.

A version of this post was previously published on savinghabit.com and is republished here with permission from the author.

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To Cherish the Little Moments, Write Them Down

We always tell ourselves, “I’ll never forget this moment.” But memories are fragile and time is fleeting. I often find myself looking back at pictures of my children and wondering what we talked about that day. What were their concerns, hopes and dreams? What were mine? Was anything bothering them? What seemingly mundane tasks were we doing? I wish I could remember all of these things, but I can’t. I take lots of pictures, so I have a lot of opportunities to reflect on them. However, they sit on my computer, waiting for a pretty book to be put in or even just to find the time to send them off to be printed.

Someday I’ll have more time. Someday I’ll write beautiful words about when my children learned to walk or what their favorite toy was or what their temperaments were. Someday my bookshelves will be lined with perfectly bound books of aesthetically pleasing memories. Reality is very different.  What I’ve discovered is that it’s important for me to write things down, in any form, so that I don’t forget the important little moments that string together to make up a life.

Usually when I think about journaling, it drums up emotions of guilt and trepidation. I want things to look nice and sound lovely, so I don’t write them down or scrapbook. I have had trouble finding the best way to journal for my life. It seems strange to write down deeply personal experiences next to a simple list or a poorly drawn sketch. At one point I tried having different notebooks for each type of journal entry. What resulted was a stack of notebooks, each with only a few passages written in them.

I finally found a method that works for me. I use two notebooks. One includes pretty much everything. I write down lists of things that happened, passages, personal experiences, quotes of something funny my kids have said, sketches and lists of websites I want to check out. I take it a lot of places. The other notebook is reserved for deeply personal spiritual experiences. I don’t carry this notebook around with me. Although I found what works for me, it’s important to try a lot of different ways to journal in order to find what works best for you. Find something that you like and can stick to.

There are so many options out there for journaling. First, think about the type of person you are. Are you a social person? Writing a blog might be best for you, as it will help you to feel connected with other people. Do you like to check things off your daily to-do list? Maybe you should look into a question and answer book where you fill out a few questions each day. Do you find that typing on the computer is easier for you? There are a lot of computer programs and websites available for journaling. (Be sure to back your entries up so you don’t lose them if your computer crashes.) Do you prefer the feel of pen and paper? Look for a journal that suits your needs.

You can also ask yourself the same type of questions for scrap-booking. Do you like a lot of embellishments or do you prefer more of a simple, clean look? Do you want to be able to record little tidbits about your photos, or do you feel that a picture is worth a thousand words? Do you prefer digital scrap-booking or the real thing? What about pockets for treasures and keepsakes like tickets from a concert or train ride? If that’s important to you, look for a binder that can hold sheet protectors or baseball card holders that you can slip your mementos into.

Whatever you decide on, make it a priority to take a few minutes every day or every week to write something down. Keep your camera handy and snap photos of everyday life. I find that when I write things down, it preserves my memories for the future. It also helps me to live more in the moment. I am able to notice the little things that go on in daily life and appreciate them more. I have found the best way to cherish the little moments in life is to record them.

QUESTION: How do you record your everyday cherished memories?

CHALLENGE: Think of several recent special memories and be sure to record them in a manner that works best for you.

Photos by Camille Garrison.

Originally published on December 20, 2011.

Emotion Coaching: Q&A with Dr Janet Rose

Dr Janet Rose is probably best known as the principal of Norland College, an institution that is no stranger to this blog (see here and here). Dr Rose also has a wealth of experience in early years education and training and has a particular interest in emotion coaching.

emotion coaching, Dr Janet RoseDr Janet Rose; Norland College principal and expert in emotion coaching.

You may be wondering what emotion coaching is. In layman’s terms, it’s about acknowledging your child’s emotions, understanding why they are expressing particular emotions and making clear some behaviours are acceptable while others are not.

Dr Rose, who also founded the emotion coaching consultancy Emotion Coaching UK, defined it thus:

“Emotion coaching is a way of telling a child that they are supported, cared about, understood and respected whilst also communicating that not all behaviours are acceptable and that they need to moderate how to express their feelings and desires.”

This Q&A is a little longer than many of the ones I usually write, but I think it provides parents with some interesting ideas and ways for helping their children acknowledge and cope with their emotions. I found it very interesting to read and reflect on my own behaviour and I’m sure many other parents would find it interesting to do the same.

Dr Rose, what is your interest in emotion coaching?

I first discovered emotion coaching as a parent and found it to be a very useful tool for supporting my children’s behaviour. I then started researching the effectiveness of its use in schools and early years settings and found that it helps to improve children’s behaviour whatever their age with a number of other positive outcomes, including helping the adult to feel calmer in dealing with challenging situations. 

With emotion coaching, a child learns to empathise, read the emotions and social cues of others and control their impulses. They are able to learn to self-calm and self-regulate, delay gratification, motivate themselves and better cope with life’s ups and downs – essential skills for when they are grown-ups, too!

I’ve heard of there being five steps to emotion coaching. Can you elaborate on this at all?

Emotion coaching is an ‘in the moment’ strategy and is essentially a way of communicating with children during distressed behaviour. It involves noticing, acknowledging, validating and empathising with how a child might be feeling. It also involves setting limits on poor behaviour and working with the child to problem solve more helpful behaviour and ways to regulate their emotions. 

It can be adapted to the age and developmental level of the child. Emotion Coaching considers all behaviour as a form of communication and makes an important distinction between children’s behaviour and the feelings that underlie that behaviour. 

A key message is that all emotions are acceptable, but not all behaviours. It is about helping children to understand their different emotions as they experience them, why they occur and how to handle them, leading to happier, more resilient and well-adjusted children.

Gottman (Dr John Gottman, a US-based academic focused on relationships and family life) claimed that Emotion Coaching involved 5 steps – but it’s more like a process of communicating.  Research in England has identified 4 key parts to using emotion coaching:

  1. Recognising the child’s feelings and empathising with them (“You seem to be upset. I understand how you’re feeling. I can help you calm down.”)
  2. Validating the feelings and labelling them (“I think you’re cross because you don’t want to leave the park.  It’s normal to feel annoyed when you have to stop doing something you enjoy.”)
  3. Setting limits on behaviour, if needed (“It’s not ok to kick things when you’re feeling cross.”)
  4. Problem-solve with the child (“Next time you feel like this, you can tell me or use your calming breaths to help you. I’ll also make sure I tell you how much time you have left so you can have a last turn on your favourite slide.”)
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Why should parents have an understanding of emotion coaching?

Emotion coaching has a strong evidence base from around the world and the research has shown how it can play a key role in supporting children’s social and emotional development. It can have a positive impact on their friendships (because they’re more popular, probably due to being more emotionally stable), their academic achievement (because they have fewer behavioural problems, probably because they are less distracted and able to focus more at school).

There’s also evidence it has a positive impact on the heir physical health (because they have fewer infectious illnesses, probably due to being able to regulate their stress more easily) and their resilience (because they are better able to control their impulses helping them to overcome adversity and resist temptation).

Our ability to regulate ourselves in stressful situations lies at the heart of mental health and wellbeing and so emotion coaching has a longer-term impact on our ability to enjoy life. 

Some will question emotion coaching and write it off as ‘snowflake’ behaviour. What would you say to this?

At first impression emotion coaching might appear ‘weak’ as a key element involves empathising with how children are feeling but it is equally about guidance: Being clear about the boundaries of acceptable behaviour and working out ways to help a child manage their feelings and behaviour more constructively. The research clearly shows that emotion coached children are actually more resilient, popular and academically successful than children who are not. 

It’s also important to remember that experiencing empathy is an important part of children’s development. Think about this in the same way we think about how children learn language. Children aren’t born with language, they learn to speak by having adults talk to them.  The same applies to empathy. Children aren’t born empathic, so they need to experience it in order to learn about it. This helps them to take on the perspectives of others and develop an understanding of how we should behave with others

What would you say is the impact of having an emotionally dismissive approach to raising your children?

John Gottman’s initial research on Emotion Coaching drew attention to less effective ways of supporting children’s emotional regulation and subsequent behaviour. Adults who are ‘disapproving’ or ‘dismissive’ of children’s emotions tend to ignore, criticize or reprimand emotional displays focusing attention on the behaviour and not the feeling’s underlying the behaviour. 

Such adults may view stress-induced emotional expression as a form of manipulation, a form of weakness and/or something that should be avoided or minimised (collectively known as ‘emotion dismissing’). Parents who largely use threats of punishment to modify behaviour can lead to children relying on innate survival mechanisms such as disassociation (not caring) or becoming reactive (aggressive) in an attempt to compensate.

Sometimes it simply involves trying to use distraction or humour to resolve the behaviour without acknowledging how the child might be feeling.  An emotion dismissing style, whether disregarding or punitive, has a negative impact on children’s emotional regulation and behavioural outcomes, which includes their mental and physical health. This can be equally true of the ‘permissive’ or ‘laissez faire’ parent who indulges the child’s emotions without setting clear boundaries of acceptable behaviour.  It’s also important to remember that not all behaviour requires an emotion coaching response, sometimes distraction or a disapproving look is all that’s needed in that moment!

Are there any particular pinch points in a family’s life where emotion coaching is particularly useful such as bereavement, separation, divorce, arrival of another sibling etc.?  

Pretty much all the research on bereavement and divorce show that ignoring, dismissing, disapproving or distracting from a child’s emotions during such difficult times is pretty much the opposite of what they need. What the research advocates is empathy and guidance.  

A child who feels sad or angry about a divorce, for example, which may manifest in unacceptable behaviour, still needs to have their feelings acknowledged and validated but with a clear message about their behaviour. It’s important to normalise feelings, particularly around loss, as this will help with their recovery more effectively. The same is true for the arrival of a new sibling.  A child will feel naturally displaced, upset by the changes in routines and attention. So again, it’s important that their feelings are noticed and discussed so that they can start to learn to recognise and regulate them.

emotion coachingDr Rose at work with Norland College students.

What common mistakes do parents make when trying to understand their children’s emotions?

The most common mistakes are to focus on the behaviour rather than the feeling and using logic and reasoning too quickly or too much. If a child is particularly upset, they first need to be calmed. A calm brain is more open to listening to reasoning and more able to remember the rules you may be trying to teach them.

Avoid asking ‘why’ questions when the child is in a distressed state as children in an emotional state need to be returned to a relaxed, calm state before we can reason with them. If we propose solutions before we empathise, it’s like trying to build a house before a firm foundation has been laid. Empathy helps the child to calm down, so they are more open and able to reason, helping to create neural connections in the rational brain to become an efficient manager of emotions.  

Part of conveying empathy involves body language and tone. How we convey our empathy can be as important as what we say, particularly as the brain processes tone and body language before it processes the words we hear.  A final common mistake is thinking that children’s ability to calm down and respond to our commands should happen quickly.

It takes nearly four years for a child to learn to speak fluently, even though they’re spoken to thousands of time a day.  It’s therefore not surprising that it can take years for children to learn to self-regulate properly. Children need repetition to develop strong neuronal connections in their brain and the more you emotion coach, the more they will learn to emotion coach themselves.

This may seem like an obvious question, but how do children’s emotional needs change as they get older?

As children grow and develop, they generally become more aware of their emotions through the development of their language and are more open to reasoning, as the logical regions of their brain become more complex. There are some particular stages when their increasing understanding of the world and their wishes to engage with it leads to particular challenges, such as during the toddler and teenage years. 

What is true for all ages is that if children’s emotional development is not always supported effectively, they may have difficulty managing their emotions which invariably manifests as challenging behaviour.  What might be different is how we emotion coach. 

For example, when a baby cries, we are all probably natural emotion coaches, soothing the baby and murmuring comforting words i.e. empathising with how they feel and calming them. As the baby grows and starts to be able to challenge what adults say and do in various ways, our communication expands into teaching them about the world and the rules within it i.e. moral values and acceptable behaviour, but a toddler still needs to be calmed first. 

For slightly older children and tweens, the combination of the four four steps seems to work most effectively, particularly as their emotional vocabulary has expanded and they can communicate in a two-way conversation with adults more effectively. They can begin to engage with finding their own solutions to managing their feelings and behaviour.

When the teenager starts to develop a wider perspective and sense of agency that may clash with their parents’ rules or wishes, they still need an empathic ear. Indeed, research suggests that what teenagers most want is empathy. They already know the rules and they want to figure things out for themselves. So, the first two steps are probably the ones parents should focus on during the teenage years.

It’s the Christmas holidays, a time of stress within families. How can parents make best use of emotion coaching at this point in time?

You can use emotion coaching techniques to support a child’s behaviour during what can be a particularly exciting, overwhelming or stressful time for families with young children. When your child gets upset, try the following:

  1. Take them to a calm space in the house – acknowledge how they might be feeling and empathise: “Ahh, I think you must be feeling tired and upset that you can’t have…. I’d feel a bit upset too but it’s not okay to throw toys.”
  2. Validate their frustration or grumpiness: “It’s normal to be grumpy when we can’t have something we really want and we’re feeling tired.”
  3. Be explicit about how you’re helping them and why: “I know that you want to keep playing with your toys, but it’s time for bed now and sleep is really important. It will make you feel much happier tomorrow. In the morning, we’ll play with your new toys together, would that be fun? You can choose your favourite cuddly toy and story now, and we can cuddle up and read the story together before bed.”
  4. Once the child is calmer you can teach them rules about behaviour and strategies for coping next time they are feeling tired, or overwhelmed, or lose control.

How does emotion coaching fit into the Norland syllabus?

Norland students are all trained in emotion coaching. It forms an integral part of the degree and diploma programmes and we visit it through lectures, masterclasses and through reviewing its usage when students are on placement. 

It’s not the only strategy we teach, as parents and carers need a whole toolkit of different ways of supporting children’s emotional development and behaviour. For example, books can be an excellent way of helping children understand their feelings and developing their emotional literacy. There’s nothing wrong with using distraction as a means to moderate behaviour if the child is not too distressed.  And sometimes, a frown and a disapproving word is enough to prevent a child from transgressing.  But emotion coaching is still one of your most important tools!

Finally, where can people find more information about emotion coaching?

You’ll find information online at the Emotion Coaching UK website or on Dr John Gottman’s website.

Interested in this blog post? Well have a read of these…

Moms for Transgender Equality

The Human Rights Campaign is organized and will be operated for the promotion of the social welfare of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community. By inspiring and engaging individuals and communities, HRC strives to end discrimination against LGBTQ people and realize a world that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all.

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation is organized for the charitable and educational purposes of promoting public education and welfare for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community. HRC Foundation envisions a world where lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people are ensured equality and embraced as full members of society at home, at work and in every community.

The Human Rights Campaign envisions a world where lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people are ensured equality and embraced as full members of society at home, at work and in every community.

Start-Up Day 2019 – How to Use Your Networks to Build Your Business


Do you use networks in your business life? Do you struggle to see how they can help you? Or do you dread the prospect of networking? Or you might be a seasoned pro at working the room at any event and love meeting new people. Regardless of your outlook, effective networking is one of the keys to building a successful business. At our Start-up Day talk, How to use your networks to build your business, we heard from some of the businesses who have perfected their technique.

Alison Cork, founder of Make it Your Business and Alison at Home, thought her business journey had been quite slow as when she first started her career, “there were no networks [30 years ago]. When I started out there were less than a handful of female role models” Alison thinks if she had had networks sooner, she wouldn’t have felt so lonely, “my business journey has been very slow, full of ups and downs. It was very lonely at times. Networks can help in that respect.”

Alison also highlighted that 1 in 5 businesses are owned or run by women, reasons for the low number included lack of networking, role models and confidence. By finding a network you are comfortable in, you can overcome these barriers.

An important thing to remember with networks, which Ken Davey, founder and managing director of the Smarter Group of Companies™, emphasised, was that “networks are not static, they are real people and relationships. The better the relationships, the more you get out of it.”

If you are looking for something specific from your network, think about your goals and how networking can help with those. For Naudia, founder of We Drifters, she made connections with founders one step ahead of her to get specific advice, ready for her next steps. After attending a session at the Business & IP Centre, she was able to meet people from all different sectors, who she could gain knowledge from and learn about their experiences.

To see the full talk and find about more about how networks can benefit your business, watch our video below:

This post was previously published on blogs.bl.uk and is republished here under a Creative Commons license.

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Spanx CEO’s ‘Why Everyone Should Hire Working Mothers’ Post Is Hilariously Relatable

There’s another reason to love SPANX CEO Sara Blakely, besides the fact that she creates amazing shapewear and leggings. Last week, the entrepreneur made the case for why working moms are great employees—by using her own hilariously clever handling of a situation as an example.

Sara, her husband and their four kids were on vacation in Florida to visit her husband’s family. In the middle of driving their rental car, Sara had to pull over to the side of the road to take a conference call.

It’s the classic working mom scenario: tending to work obligations when you’re with your family. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned.

“No pen. Lip liner will have to do! Of course, I had everything in my purse (two small cars, a flashlight, diapers, wipes, snacks, army men, and even Buzz Lightyear), but NO PEN! And, my meeting ID number and host code kept changing…“ she wrote on LinkedIn. One of her kids even asked her, “Mommy, why are you writing on your leg when you told us we can’t write on ourselves?”

Still, even without pen and paper, Sara managed, and believes it’s because the very nature of working motherhood requires her to think on her feet.

“The struggle is real. The juggle is real. This is why everyone should hire working mothers. They are put in crazy situations all the time and are forced to problem-solve,” she wrote. “They are some of my most resourceful employees.”

The CEO’s post quickly went viral on the networking site, racking up over 28,000 reactions. Many fellow working moms were thrilled that Sara put her funny and relatable story out there. “Thanks for sharing—turning a moment where we would feel frazzled and unorganized into strength, and showing value in adaptation and juggling!” one user wrote. “I can really sympathize with this today. After spending the night nursing my daughter with a stomach bug, three changes of PJs, two changes of bedding, three towels and cleaning the bathroom twice, I have spent the morning taking calls and answering emails while working my way through five machine loads of sick-stained washing! Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels in utter chaos at times.”

Keeping in mind that moms with careers are often assumed to be less committed to their jobs—simply because they have families—Sara’s post means a lot. Under stressful circumstances, working moms always find a way to survive and flourish. Because they have to.

The Year in Review


As 2019 ends, it has definitely been an interesting one for me. This year has required more of me than years in the past because I made a decision to be more emotionally aware.

Despite not being able to see my growth on the outside, my emotional growth on the inside has been exponential.

I cannot say the circumstances forced me to grow because I actually experienced less chaos than in years past. The difference this year is that I was much more introspective as I was going through things, even good things.

What is Introspection?

Introspection is a self-examination inward of one’s thought process and feelings to better understand what is happening.

It can be a self-research tool or a way to connect the behaviors, habits, and beliefs you have to past and present occurrences. Through self-examination, you can gain clarity of your own identity.

What isn’t Introspection?

If you continue to examine the things that happened in your life or your actions to the point that you overthink or think obsessively, that is no longer introspection, but rumination.

Rumination can lead you to self-judgment, self-flagellation, anxiety, and depression. It is giving an audience to your inner critic and letting them tell you all the reasons why you should feel bad and that isn’t the goal of introspection.

The Goal of Introspection

The focus of being introspective isn’t to beat yourself up. It’s not tough love. However, if you start to explore your inner world without understanding that you must impart self-compassion and view yourself with detachment then you can see the connective tissues between your feelings and beliefs then think it means to start a war with yourself to separate them.

The goal isn’t to fix yourself. It’s to see yourself for, maybe, the first time.

It’s not easy or for the faint of heart which is why many people avoid it and they avoid therapy because therapy can be guided introspection.

I can’t lie, I had a hard time when I began the process of introspection. I wasn’t comfortable with my feelings. I was disconnected from them and I experienced them as negative. I repressed them until I was forced to deal with them through chaos or being so frustrated that I felt my own suffering. Instead of lashing out at other people, I started to look inside and figure out what was going on inside me.

At first, it was like standing in the middle of a storm. It was like the eye of a tornado and I was afraid if I felt the emotions that it would rip me to shreds.

Instead, what I learned was stuffing the emotions down was what gave them more strength. When I sat still and allowed myself to feel the emotion, the storm lessened until it felt like nothing.

The next step in being introspective was to figure out where the genesis of the emotions were. As I viewed myself with a compassionate lens, I found there was a lot of rage that I had been pushing down. The rage was the storm but it was much more harmless than I perpetuated it to be. Beneath the rage was a disappointment and then the disappointment had threads that were tied to so many childhood hurts. I just kept giving each of them their time to be heard, seen and acknowledged. I did a lot of journaling where I just let the hurt express itself without censoring or trying to convince myself it wasn’t painful.

As I did, they slowly lessened or stopped being as triggering as they used to be.

When they triggered me, instead of being angry or sad, I would just trace them back and try to figure out where their roots were. I tilled the soil and replanted some better seeds.

Once, I got through the emotions, I didn’t feel the need to hold on to my beliefs with a death grip. I began to examine my beliefs, which required me to sift and sort to find out where they came from. As I did that, I started to understand many were faulty beliefs passed down from others. Some beliefs were results of fear following traumatic events. Many were ripe to be rewritten and happy to go. When I changed my beliefs, I stopped needing people around people to be different. I stopped projecting and trying to control others.

It’s not a solution. It’s an on-going process.

At first, I thought I was going to get through all of my issues and then I would be done. I thought less bad things would happen if I could just get my self together. I thought I could Dyanne, Fix My Life.

Right on time, I experienced several emotional challenges and feelings came up all over again.

However, it was different this time.

What changed was even when something bad happened, I didn’t see the feelings as a sign of a problem with me. I saw them as a sign to dig deeper and practice self-compassion.

And, that, was life-changing because it felt like freedom.

Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood

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Some Friends try to Take Down an Evil Organization in ‘Spy Racers’ Season 1

A new criminal organization comes out of the shadows and four friends try to take them down

soy racers, fast and furious, tv show, computer animated, comedy, action, season 1, review, dreamworks animation, netflix

A new criminal organization has an evil plan in ‘Spy Racers’ season 1

I have watched only a few of the Fast and the Furious movies. Although I wasn’t too impressed with the first one, I will admit the last one was pretty good. Hobbs and Shaw also ended up being better than I expected it to be. So when I heard about Fast and Furious: Spy Racers I was hoping I would get to watch it. I was able to get screeners for season 1 and this is what I thought of them.

spy racers, fast and furious, tv show, animated, comedy, action, season 1, review, dreamworks animation, netflix

(c) Netflix

You can read the plot for Fast and Furious Spy Racers season 1 here:

Teenager Tony Toretto follows in the footsteps of his cousin Dom when he and his friends are recruited by a government agency to infiltrate SH1FT3R, an elite racing league serving as a front for a nefarious crime organization bent on world domination.

spy racers, fast and furious, tv show, computer animated, comedy, action, season 1, review, dreamworks animation, netflix

(c) Netflix

I had a lot of fun watching season 1 of this show. The characters are likable, and the bad guys were easy to hate. While this season moved along bold steps were taken on both sides. As this season came to a close a threat was averted, and it wasn’t clear what this crew would be doing next. If you are a fan of the films then this is a show you might want to check out.

spy racers, fast and furious, tv show, computer animated, comedy, action, season 1, review, dreamworks animation, netflix

(c) Netflix

Fast and Furious: Spy Racers season 1 is available now on Netflix.

What’s Up Doc?

Episode Info

On episode 18 of the Just Stick To Parenting podcast, Doyin welcomes his first-ever guest, Dr. Smita Malhotra, and they talk about parenting, racism, tech-addiction, and their shared experience on a popular game show.

A few other things you’ll find in this episode:

– Bad Halloween etiquette (2:00)

– Smita’s thoughts on the most challenging part of motherhood (17:00)

– Smita’s thoughts on the keys to happiness (31:00)

– One very simple thing we all can do to improve the world (34:00)

– Doyin’s birthday plans (45:00)

This post was previously published on Stitcher and is republished here with permission from the author.

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Photo credit: iStock

Hilarious Working Mom’s 35 Things She Thinks About at Age 35 Are So Damn Relatable

Emily Shields is making a tradition out of nailing what it’s like to be thirty-something with a young child.

In December 2018, the Facebook content strategist and mom of a toddler daughter went viral for her “34 Things I Care About at Age 34” birthday post. It was a roundup of hilarious musings many Xennial mothers could relate to.

Now she’s back at it again, a year older and wiser, with a new list of things to share. On December 21, she gifted the world with her “35 Thoughts at Age 35,” and it’s just as entertaining.

See the post below in all its glory.

We’re especially fond of No. 4.

  1. My Brain Is Now Half Grocery List, Half Paw Patrol Theme Song
  2. Never Thought I’d Feel Guilty For Washing My Hair Every Day But Here We Are
  3. How Different Would My Daughter’s Life Really Be If I Was Replaced By A Recording That Says “Put Your Boots On” Over And Over
  4. After A Full Week With My Family, The True Vacation Is 8 Hours A Day Without Asking My Coworkers If They Have To Go Pee-Pee
  5. No Job’s Too Big, No Pup’s Too Small, It’s Paw Patrol, They’re On A Rolls, Milk, Strawberries, Toothpaste
  6. Will Anyone Ever Love Me The Way I Love My Lululemon Align Leggings 28” In Black
  7. Am I The Only One Worried That Masseuses Can Hear Thoughts
  8. Before You Ask, No I Have Not Seen That Movie Yet
  9. I Love My Child But I Do Not Want To See Her Face After 8 P.M.
  10. Wait A Minute, Were My Teenage Years Hard Because Of Hormones Or Was It Just Low-Rise Jeans
  11. No One Wants To Hear My Potty Training Woes Including Myself
  12. Every Time I Wash My Hands Without Help I Think: See?? Do You See How Fast This Process Could Be?
  13. I Am Perhaps A Little Too Proud Of Myself When I Remember To Moisturize
  14. The Shampoo Girl With The Long Nails, The Nurse Who Stole Me Extra Postpartum Mesh Underwear, And Other Women Who Deserve More Money Than Jeff Bezos
  15. Dry, Reheated Half-Eaten Mac And Cheese In A Plastic Bowl: A Motherhood Delicacy
  16. If My Goal Is A Lip Balm In Every Pocket How Do I Just End Up With No Lip Balms And 7 In The Drawer At Home
  17. How Many Stickers Is Enough
  18. I Took A Day Off Work To Watch TV And It Was The Best Day Of My Life
  19. To The People Who Read Like 40 Books A Year: How
  20. Laying On The Floor Is Stretching If I’m Wearing A Sports Bra
  21. Why Do I Steal Those Tiny Jars Of Honey—Do I Think I’ll Need Them At Home
  22. My Husband Is Out Of Town, Time To Watch Every Netflix Original Targeted To High School Girls
  23. Cooking A Fancy Meal On Sunday Night: Nice In Theory
  24. Having A Toddler Has Really Made Me Come To Terms With How Bad Of An Out-Loud Speller I Am
  25. Just Who Are Melissa & Doug And How Can I Ever Repay Them
  26. I Spent A Lot Of My Life Being Taught To Hate Women So I’m Making Up For It Now By Liking Lizzo A Little Too Much
  27. If You Have Tried To Make Cheez-Its From Scratch I Feel Like We Have Very Different Ways Of Approaching The World
  28. Am I Going Insane Or Have I Just Seen Too Many Pinkfong Videos
  29. I Want To Go Back To A World Where I Didn’t Know How Many Steps I Needed To Take Per Day
  30. I Need To Start Admitting I Don’t Know How To Bake, Unless It’s The Technical Challenge And No One Has Proved Their Dough Long Enough
  31. If I’m Going To Spend More Than 5 Minutes Cooking A Meal There Better Be Leftovers
  32. How Did My Life Come To This How Did I Become A Person With 3 Types Of Milk In My Fridge
  33. I Don’t Know Who’s Getting More Out Of Daniel Tiger, My Daughter Or Me Except I Do And It’s Me
  34. On A Scale Of Caffeine To Heroin, Where Do Q-Tips Fall
  35. How Do I Stop Apologizing To Other Women For Passing Them Through An Entrance

The exhaustion. The children’s shows. The disorganization. And the unexpected people, moments and things you grow to be so thankful for.

This really speaks to our soul.

We can’t wait to see what she comes up with next year!